Theresa Luo, PD2, 10/26/2020, Day A

 Goal Setting & Growth

1. At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why?

        Due to the unfortunate and unexpected pandemic, I finally had time to slow down and take a moment's breath. I spent a lot of time reflecting on myself and the perception I have of myself. Throughout my entire life, I had always questioned if I was good enough. Was I a good friend, a good student, a good daughter, a good person? I had created an image of perfection that I could've never achieved. No matter what I did and what I achieved, I wasn't good enough. With such a realization, I decided to set a goal for myself. I decided I needed to be more forgiving and needed to stop obsessing over every little mistake I made. I realized during the stressful time of college applications, this forgiveness was crucial in maintaining my peace with myself. Although, this is easier said than done as a mindset founded on understanding and tolerance doesn't develop overnight. At times, I still beat myself up over little mistakes, but I quickly realize, how this attitude benefits no one. As the college applications continue, as my senior year continues, as my life continues, I will continuously work hard to be happy with every part of myself. 

2. How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?)

         Achieving a goal so abstract appeared extremely difficult for me to achieve. However, spending my time doing activities that genuinely made me happy allowed me to focus my energy on something positive. Sprinkled throughout my day, I had what I called, "moments of peace"- a time where I can enjoy myself without guilt. After hours of work, I would give myself time to explore and develop new hobbies such as baking, knitting, and playing video games. This has lowered my anxiety and stress tremendously and turned days of nothingness into days of joyous memories. Usually, on days full of hateful emotion, I document my feelings in a journal. From the highs and lows, the funny, the sad, I write it all down. Having a journal to pour my feelings into opens up a portal for a beautiful escape; a place of true vulnerability and transparency. On days where the chaotic turbulence eats me up, I never can be objective or forgiving to myself. So, the next day, I'd read what I wrote to better understand how my strong emotions can shift my perception of myself. Throughout this strenuous and difficult journey, I constantly try to better understand and love myself.

3. How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

        In such a competitive environment dominated by a hustle culture, I foolishly believed this was the only way to success and happiness. However, upon further inspection, I realized this vicious culture had engulfed many people's smiles and laughter. Everyone is so focused on keeping up with everybody else, they lose sight of how this cycle has dramatically impacted both their physical and mental health. I think everyone needs to be aware of how awful this system is and how detrimental it is to what many people call, "the best times of our lives". Hopping off that hustle train to stand by and observe has been pivotal in shaping my goal. Finally comprehending the roots of my poisonous mindset, encourages me to work harder towards my goal.