Beata Verkhavets, Period 2, 5/7/2021, Day A

Beata Verkhavets

May 7, 2021

Period 2

Day A

Modern Mythology 2021

Goal Setting & Growth

- At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why?

While I consistently have numerous goals that I try to accomplish, whether short-term or long-term, I want to highlight one specific goal that has been particularly difficult to accomplish. I strive to push myself to think of the future more. My inability to properly envision the future, specifically my future, stems from my childhood. As a child, I made it very clear that I didn't want to grow up, I wasn't excited to be older. I clearly wanted to stay little. And while that didn't seem to be much of an issue back then, my continued struggles with this affect me greatly today. I never really thought about my future in any aspects, whether it be with little decisions that would later impact me negatively, or with more important decisions that defined a large portion of my future. For example, I recently committed to college. It took me pretty long to because it simply didn't bother me. I wasn't thinking about what college I'd go to in the slightest for the past few months, yet I knew that I should have. Upon committing to college, I didn't feel... much. I wasn't excited, nor relieved. The only thing I really felt was somewhat of a sense of dread, knowing that I made a decision that would affect the future that I don't even think about. I often realize that I don't even envision any type of future, and not because I feel that I cannot accomplish anything, but because I simply don't know how to think about my own future, and what it looks like. Recently I've realized how much my inability to think of my future is harming me, and knew that I needed to at least try to work on it.

- How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?)

Achieving this goal isn't something that can come quickly. I'm well aware that this specific goal is something that I need to work on long-term. However, I also know that achieving this kind of goal takes baby steps. I've personally found that talking to someone close about their future helps me envision my own. When I start to envision my own, I tend to share those details with the person that I am talking to. When I do that, I feel more grounded and find myself making useful connections between my present and future. I try to talk to someone close to me about this as often as I can, and I push myself to try and make those connections when I'm alone as well. Sometimes it's very difficult for me to do so, and I get extremely discouraged and pessimistic. I try my best to just tell myself it's temporary frustration, and that I can do anything that I put my mind to.

- How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

Seeing the people around me talk about their mixed emotions regarding college is the most recent and relevant example I can think of when it comes to this goal. Whether it be a friend of mine being nervous about their decision and pondering how it can impact their long-term future, or a classmate posting about how excited they are to be committing to a certain college, these are emotions that I don't feel, and haven't felt at all, towards this subject. I've always been heavily impacted by the people around me who have their futures planned out, or those who at least know that they want to be doing something in the future. My best friend since kindergarten had always known the direction that she was going to be going in regarding her future. I'd find myself wishing that I was in that position, that I knew what I was going to do with myself, or at least that I could imagine myself doing anything at all. Seeing the people around me recognize and evaluate their futures prompted me to realize that everyone has some kind of purpose in their lives. Even me. Regardless of the fact that I can't imagine even having that purpose most of the time, seeing the people around me that have helped guide me towards my future inspires me to work on recognizing what I have in store for me along the years.