Ramim Tarafdar Period 2, 5/3/21, Day A

Ramim Tarafdar
Period 2
5/3/21

Goal Setting & Growth 

At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why? 

At this point in time, I'm honestly just feeling lost. Even though college app season is over and I've decided on which college I will spend my next four years, I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life recently to commit to CCNY for civil engineering. I already had my choices set out and I knew that if I didn't get into any of the Ivy's with their "100% Need Met" policies, I would settle for CCNY since it was the most cost-effective option. Telling yourself that six months in advance versus making the final decision are two very distinct feelings. It definitely is very bittersweet but my goal is to be grateful for and happy with the decision I've made. I chose this school because it offered the best opportunity for me to graduate debt-free while also remaining close to my family so I want to make the absolute best of it. It is also currently the month of Ramadan, a time when I'm usually excited about strengthening my relationship with my religion. However, with the state of things, I'm finding it harder to effectively do so. My second goal is to get back in touch with my beliefs and appreciate the beauty of Islam. 

How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?) 

If I'm being completely honest, I really haven't consistently stayed resilient towards my goals. I don't think I can count the number of times I've experienced burnout and regret in the last few months or even days. Even while typing out this blog, I've had to rewrite multiple parts because the tiny Grammarly icon in the corner of my screen indicated that my text was too sad and gloomy. Whenever I catch myself falling into these depressive moments, I think about all the positives that I overlook. When it comes to college, I made the decision to pay for everything myself so my parents wouldn't have to lift an extra penny in my name. I chose to commute rather than dorm so I could take care of my aging parents so they had more time to relax. We sometimes fall into the trap of stressing over irrelevant issues to fit the ideas of others without giving attention to our own needs and prioritizing ourselves. I find that the best way to remove myself from these worldly problems and gain gratitude is simply by praying. It is my best method of meditation while connecting to my religion. I hope to continue on this path to make the most of my time left here in high school and in college. However, I understand that having setbacks and feeling stuck is completely normal, so long as I can bounce back harder each time and keep moving forward.

How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

Going to a competitive school such as ours really skews our ideas of what success is and what we have to do to be content. So many of us, including myself,  became obsessed with this notion of getting into Ivy's or other "name-brand" colleges to gain validation from our peers and society. Ever since middle school, we've had the idea of prestigious "specialized high schools" pounded into our heads, which carries over into the college app process. You end up feeling like you aren't worthy unless you go to these big-name colleges. "You spent all this time at Tech just to go to a 'regular' college." On top of that, I feel like the need to make my parents proud blinded me for a bit. I wanted them to be proud of my college and boast it to others but I never stopped to realize how content they were of me for everything else. They've been so supportive through all my decisions that I was really worried for no reason. I always believe that everything happens for a reason so I'm going to try my best to walk towards this next phase of my life excited to see where it will take me. :)